April 24, 2013
I don’t know who I am writing this letter too but I feel that some things just need to be said. I am not always that person who sets the best examples for any one. I am that person that has spent a lifetime trying to make the people that I am closest too happy. I experience guilty feelings when I am being completely selfish,,,,,, knowing that I am surrounded by people that I love who would be happy experiencing receiving good blessings too. I wish that I had more success in feeling the rewards of giving of myself. I have feelings of being unfulfilled. I don’t know what my purpose in life is and many times I feel that no one will really know or see my worth until after I am dead and gone. I fear that I will only be deemed just a little bit great in death and like an obscure spot on a wall in life. I want my life to count NOW. I want to feel love and appreciation. I want to feel like any and all of my considerations that I have and that I give to the people I love matter, I am probably not supposed to have great expectations from anything. I am supposed to know that life is not fair. I am supposed to know that God would not give me anything that I could not handle. I am supposed to be strong enough to carry almost anything. I am supposed to always do the right thing.
Nothing that I am to want is worth having if it comes easy to me. Why does that have to be true if in fact that the things that I want are just as simple as the feeling of love. Seriously.