Monday, June 30, 2014

What's Cookin' Good Lookin', #ME!

BAM! This is how I've been looking over the last 18 months or so. I've been to a crazy scary place and back with a revisit and a return to "a no man's land" and am continuing to share some of my life story with you.

The short and not so sweet recap starting back in Dec 2012 - the first visit to the doc, followed by the first mammogram & ultra sound, followed by the biopsy, followed by the God awful results and diagnosis of my advanced stage breast cancer on Jan 16th 2013 (Happy Birthday to me), ....... followed by many tears and crying fits came 6 rounds of chemotherapy (every 21 days over 4 months or so) .... lots of tests in between, and a nipple delay surgery last July, followed by a bilateral mastectomy (also in July of 2013) along with lymph node removal surgery, followed by 9 weeks of radiation! I know, sheesh already!

So since my last entry about 8 months ago I have had my reconstruction surgery just this past March and am happy with the results. I feel pretty whole again even though breast cancer has taken away a piece of my life that I can't get back.

To date I have managed to lose track of exactly how many infusions I have had, (definitely more than 20 trips to the Beverly Hills Cancer Center by now) ....... I currently go in for what are deemed to be "life saving" drugs every 21 days for an indefinite amount of time longer. The word "indefinite" depresses me ........ but I'm alive so "it is what it is".

I take a lot of pics, "selfies" and such ..... at least in these past few years. I do so for lots of reasons. Yes for the most part I am showing off! Showing the many phases and transformations of myself as well as attempting to show my emotions thru photos to any one who cares to see, or for any one who cares (even just a little bit) about me. I also feel like I want to be able to visually leave a positive memory of myself should there come a time where "a memory" is all that I am. Not to be morbid or a "Debbie downer" but this cancer I have can only be controlled and not cured. With that being said I have taken life by the throat and with my loved ones I am really LIVING it out to the best of my ability. I am proud to be able to say that. I am proud about the manner in which I fought this fight, (as unfair as it may be).

Interesting times these are! Time to be grateful, prayerful, humble, hopeful, careful, ....... and more importantly THANKFUL! For everything and everyone in my life!






Aunt Betty





Pop Pop

Frankie B.

Zyma Lorraine






Tina B.


Uncle James



Grandma Marcia






Jane U.


Ricky H.







& of course, GOD

MY peeps on social media -

Bree, Frankie, J.C., Daryl Big Dee, Felly Fell, Emily, June,  Elizabeth, Valerie, Will H, Pope Fred, Angelique, Ashley, David S., Jackie, Butch, Luisa, Natasha, Kahleel, Jan, Vanessa, Millie, Larena, Peter, Nicole M., Dina, ..............

and for all other family, & friends who I may have failed to mention. THANK YOU so much for one way or another being there & here for me.

This much I am sure of; .......

I am truly loved!

Lucky in this life I am, .....

Take small bites of this "food for thought" today. Thanks for reading!

Friday, November 22, 2013

A Thanksgiving Feast your eyes on ME!

So how ya like me now?!! Yes its been about 3 months since I have blogged about anything! Sorry, been a lil side tracked. I've been spending time not just glamming it up (as you can see in the pics above); but my ass has been trying to put an end to this recovery stuff and a start to more living outside of these four walls.

Back in September and into the first week of November I spent getting radiation therapy EVERYDAY. I stepped out with friends (when I could) and auditioned for various projects (when I could). During this time it wasn't easy getting it together but as you know I know things could have been worse. For the first time in a long time I really feel pretty good and have been sharing my "survivor status" with just about any one who will listen even though I do still have a reconstruction surgery to get thru sometime in 2014. 

So with October past me I've gotten thru my first "breast cancer month" (now that I am officially breast cancer lady); it wasn't how I thought it would be. I wasn't certain that I would be into wearing all the pink stuff and talking more about it. I experienced a different kind of attention. I still can't sign on for wearing pink ribbons all of the time but I am getting comfortable with the idea of spreading the word about early detection etc etc etc. I didn't catch my cancer as early as I could have and NEVER want any one to experience many of the things that I have to deal with. My fight is not necessarily a life long one but I do have to get an IV infusion every three weeks for at least another year AND am on hormone therapy for another five. Again, the situation could be worse. I can worry a little less, take deeper breathes, appreciate life more and be THANKFUL for …………………. everything, really.

The pics in today's entry are from one very awesome memory! On Nov 11th I attended the 23rd NAACP Theatre Awards where I gave a speech in front over 1500 people at a theatre in Beverly Hills. I paid tribute to the late Willis Edwards, a fallen hero who passed away due to complications from colon cancer. I spoke of how courageous he was in his fight and made mention of my own battle. The applause and reviews that followed from this small shining moment were so special because I got to share it with my sister-in-law (that's her in pic above) and my close friends. My manager made this opportunity possible and even though I know she was probably looking for any reason to get me out and into an evening gown, I am sure that she wanted to let others see me celebrate my ongoing journey. She is truly one of the best people I know. 

I have met some really great people over the past few months and feel more inspired than ever. These days I got some stuff going on; I am filming a docu - series, auditioning more regularly, running my ass up to Runyon Canyon almost every day and looking forward to my one year anniversary since my diagnosis. That day is January 16th (my birthday). I still go thru all kinds of ups and down but today's entry is not about my lows. I always write how I honestly feel and today I am just feeling like …… "THANKSGIVING"; (which just so happens to be next week). I ain't even sure how or where I will be spending that day!
It's all good tho, surely I will get a "foodie call" from somewhere ………………… 

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

I'll have the chicken, NO BREAST please

Good day world! So after all of this time I can finally ask for the "check please"! I have been so cyber quiet (for me) because on my last birthday (Jan 16th 2013) my doctor had to tell me that I have stage IV breast cancer. Like anyone who may have to bear such news I was completely devastated. Stopped in my tracks is about the best I can do to describe it. My dear friend and manager held my hand and is at my side to take in every word that all 6 six doctors that have to treat me had to say.

The first plan of action that had to happen was to undergo a mastectomy on my left breast, followed by chemotherapy, followed by some amount of radiation, followed by reconstructive surgery. What realistically did (and is still on going) happen when after many many many many tests showed that the cancer was in my lymph nodes AND spread to my breast bone area ended up being a whole other nightmare. The new plan for me was to have 6 rounds of chemo then have a mastectomy, then radiation, then reconstructive surgery over a 9 to 12 month period.

I don't want to bore you or myself with all of the sorted details but both mentally and physically the life was drained out of me due to lots of red tape with insurance company issues and disability claims and crap along that nature. Then there was the fighting with my insurance company for getting a port inserted in me for easier accessibility for the many IV infusions. So many other co payments and battles lost along the way on top of not totally loosing it on my family due to the "roid rage" that was messing me up pretty good too. With all of those shenanigans finaically it's been quite the hairy situation too, so much that my friends and fam started an on line fund raiser for me (which was and still is a hard pill to swallow). Needing and asking for help sucks (but I got over it due to just knowing where everyone involved hearts are) Check it out if ya want , the link is

For Suki's story and details click here

I digress, .....the hair loss, 30 lb weight gain and having to wear a face mask outside of my home was all part of the program that I did not sign up for.

I can't even explain how I even have breast cancer because I am adopted with no family medical history, (even though I do have my biological brother - see pic). My fear of needles and having access to WAY TOO MUCH information on the Internet about my cancer did not help ease me into my life of seeing one of many doctors several times a week.

I sound like a lunatic as I am typing away today because I know that millions of women before me have had to go thru what I am going thru and probably did a lot less complaining about it. I am at the point where its coming up on about 30 days since I had a bilateral mastectomy performed by a team of doc's that worked on Angelina Jolie. I survived that ordeal and have 6 and half weeks of radiation coming up in a few weeks AND THEN hopefully I will be undergoing my last surgery for making me look like a normal chic again.

So clearly I am ready to talk about this ordeal because there have been lots of good that I am experiencing along the way .......... my last surgery was not only a success not just because I have a great team of surgeons on my side but also a success because I had my entourage of 8 plus family members and friends praying and partying in the waiting room at Cedar Sinai for 14 hours ready to see my puffy face after I came out of that last surgery. The whole time my son showed up like a champ and his strength proved to be so helpful for me. My friends made me laugh with contact thru face time, pics and stories of memories past. One of the greatest loves of my life shaved his head to try to make me feel comfortable in my skin. I get to experiment with crazy hair color where I would have never done so before seeing as I have so little of it now. Both my parents flew back and forth from NY and Florida when ever I cried out for them. I eat sooooooo much healthier now. I totality got to catch up on "Breaking Bad" and a ton of other shows. I even booked some television work with my alien head on the few good days where I talked myself into feeling up to it. I found a church to go to and learned how to accept my fate. I changed ......................... definitely for the better.

I am still fighting the good fight and will keep following the advice of my best friend who told me to "stay away from the light!" She and I may be the only ones to see the humor in that.

The point of today's entry is just to finally get it all out. I don't want to be like all "cancer lady" all the time on Facebook everyday but I do want to share some of my life in hopes that someone may be able to relate and to find my revelations helpful, maybe even useful!

Thank you for reading, listening and caring. xo

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Can ya do me a flavor?

Good day! It is a good enough day I suppose. I am chillin' like a villain in my nest of sorts. I've spent the last two days downloading ASAP Rocky music and watching back to back episodes of Criminal Minds. I am getting a little bit annoyed at Shemar Moore's fine ass calling the one broad "baby girl" every 5 minutes. In regards to my new illegally down loaded play lists; rap music today is definitely a bit more sexually explicit then I can remember............ took me a few minutes to draw the conclusion that I like it. Something to be said for the vulgarity. I don't offend very easily but do appreciate our freedoms to say what the hell we want to say. With that being said today I feel like saying this;  I am a few months away from being the woman that I know that I can be. I am not exactly whole and can only speak in riddles because I am going to pieces, ........... I do mean that literally. I'm under construction in every way right now and am forced to just do what I have to do. 

I have to put out into the universe that I am wishing, hoping, praying for time to speed up so that I can be at the place where I am tasting life again! Today I am not indulging or exploring much of anything. Today I am just mustering up enough spirit and energy to go thru the motions. My daily routine is anything but routine and today I am just yearning for tomorrow! Tomorrow means another 24 hours of what I have been going thru is behind me. I am on my way to the brightest future that there is, ........ this I know. 

I know what's waiting for me. As for now I will just have to assume the position that I am forced to be in and tune back into Netflix and pick up where I left off on the series "Breaking Bad".

Tuesday, May 14, 2013


Sounds strange but true. It's "Meat Week" on the Destination America Channel and suddenly I find myself almost as excited to hear of this as I get about "Shark Week" on the Discovery Channel. I think it actually starts next week, but I got me a barbeque grill out on my balcony that is begging to be used. At another date and time I will disclose why I have so much time to watch every cook off, food eating contest, or restaurant make over show that there ever was. 

As of late I have time to kill, to waste, to burn, to breathe, to reflect, to hope. I have not been doing many (if any) of these things even though I have had the past four months (give or take) of time to do just about anything within reason. I do however find the time to procrastinate. I ain't bragging but I know how to stare into space like nobody's business. I won't say that I don't have a good reason for being such a lame ass ......... but for the first time I can say that I may actually have a great reason for all this lame assness. I just wish I had more courage right about now to say what that reason is. For now I will just pat myself lightly on the back for being able to sit up and type in this entry today. I like writing (as you can tell), even if it's about nothing. I don't know if any one is really interested in reading all about my nothing but I type on in any case. 

I really should go back to the profile part of this blog and rewrite why I became "that dog with a blog". In the beginning I had heartache to deal with and lots of unaddressed issues to face. Writing about how I felt and what I did and didn't eat, or where I did or didn't work, or who I did or did not speak too helped me get by. Months turned into years of writing and over time the heart pain subsided, bitterness set in and then faded out; show biz stuff showed up and then also faded out.  

Today I am writing for a butt load of other and different reasons. When I first started blogging I had a grand plan to blog for 365 days in a row. That didn't happen so I changed the goal to 365 days period. That didn't happen either. Now I am just gonna commit to ............................... writing until its time to stop.

After these messages, I'll be write back. Ya see what I did there, (write instead of right). LOL

Wednesday, April 24, 2013


April 24, 2013

I don’t know who I am writing this letter too but I feel that some things just need to be said.  I am not always that person who sets the best examples for any one. I am that person that has spent a lifetime trying to make the people that I am closest too happy. I experience guilty feelings when I am being completely selfish,,,,,, knowing that I am surrounded by people that I love who would be happy experiencing receiving good blessings too. I wish that I had more success in feeling the rewards of giving of myself. I have feelings of being unfulfilled. I don’t know what my purpose in life is and many times I feel that no one will really know or see my worth until after I am dead and gone. I fear that I will only be deemed just a little bit great in death and like an obscure spot on a wall in life.  I want my life to count NOW. I want to feel love and appreciation. I want to feel like any and all of my considerations that I have and that I give to the people I love matter, I am probably not supposed to have great expectations from anything. I am supposed to know that life is not fair. I am supposed to know that God would not give me anything that I could not handle. I am supposed to be strong enough to carry almost anything. I am supposed to always do the right thing.

Nothing that I am to want is worth having if it comes easy to me. Why does that have to be true if in fact that the things that I want are just as simple as the feeling of love.  Seriously.

Friday, August 3, 2012

Shots, shots, shots, shots, ......all drinks on ME!

Okay friends and followers I have not made a blog entry in over 2 weeks because my ass has been stupid busy! The show that I appeared on is finally over and all kinds of stuff has been going on. I can try to pick up where I left off blogging but it just may be more helpful and interesting to post a variety of shots of me doing, ........ well, "ME"!

I left off around the time of the airing of episode 7 of TMO, ....... I wasn't totally mute in this episode and looked pretty darn cute not getting a date!

My beloved friend and manager at Dream Ent Mgmt decided that now was the time to put together an event that was centered around several things including ME!

This shindig that my Dream Team put on went better than we could have hoped for!

We viewed Episode 7 at El Torito Grill in Beverly Hills along with other invited cast members and again, I wasn't a complete mute contestant on the show AND again, looked pretty damn cute on this final episode.

I still finished out the show not getting a date BUT don't even care very much about that in this moment. LOL

My number one fan/follower (real media personality name
"Pope Fred") came to our event, ..... I so had to meet him after all of the fabulous mentions on Twitter that he has been posting about me since day one, .... love that guy!!!

Same night, ...... TMZ came down and filmed many of us at the party AND your girl made the cut being hilarious (if I do say so myself) when it aired a few days later. Sorry but I so enjoy making fun of myself!

Same night ......... my dear friend Art Atkins of made this totally awesome body pillow of me which sold for $1000 bucks and the proceeds where donated to "The Fernando Pullum Community Arts Center". The donor didn't even want to take credit for his generosity which I am still pinching myself about.

The following weekend I met some amazing people while participating in "The Hearts of Reality" weekend for "Give Kids The World" in Celebration (near Orlando) FL. I was recognized by folks that keep up with reality TV AND who caught my appearance on TMZ!! That was awesome, but more awesome then that was lending my name and autograph to a charity that does such wonderful things for children who are suffering from terminal illnesses. I was so moved and now I find myself rethinking about a lot of the silly things that I do.

"Amazing Race" & "Big Brother" Reality Power Couple
Rachel & Brendon with Suki Avery
from FOX series "Take Me Out"

Richard Hatch "The Original Survivor"
Suki Avery from "Take Me Out"

Reality television stars helped to make the dreams of children with life-threatening illnesses come true during Hearts of Reality, a three-day event benefiting the charity. More than 140 stars from the hit television shows "Survivor," "The Amazing Race," "The Bachelor," "Take Me Out", "Love In The Wild" and more, used their star power for a greater cause.

In between all of that stuff I have been getting in some flight hours here and there all while trying to follow up with folks that are in support of me and working to get me going with the next chapter of my life. I am so freakin tired these days but this time around its a good tired and for the first time in a long time I am all too happy to report about it.

I will hopefully not let as many days go by without making an entry, ........... writing this thing is my one attempt for therapy ya know.

Taking over the world all while looking fabulous does come with its stresses and pitfalls ........... 
in which none of these things are gonna just write themselves.

Happy Friday!!!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Bacon Wrap

Back in the earlier days of me writing this blog I used to talk about food way more than I do now. This blog (despite the title I gave it) was never really about food per say but I have forever had a love/ hate dysfunctional relationship with it. Many times I played sick head games and would see how long I could go without eating a thing. Those were the dark years, (lol) (OK maybe I shouldn't be lol'ing that). Then there were the happier days in my life where love was in it and I ate like everything under the sun. A few of the "X Men" have endearingly referred to me simply as "Greedy", "McGreedo" or just "Greedy Girl!" I also have these imaginary weight issues that moving to Hollywood has (go figure!) exasperated to the 10th degree. I got all kinds of issues with food. These days my food dilemmas are like a smorgasbord (ha, get it) of all those things mixed up and sometimes taking place within the same week. I know I need therapy for this situation and quite possibly for many things but today is a day where I don't necessarily feel so attractive and eating anything on my "List of Foods that I Absolutely LOVE" should NOT beallowed to happen. Why is that you ponder? Answer: Today I feel like I DO NOT deserve a delicious meal right now. I don't even think I deserve to day dream about "The List"
which so happens to include

Anything wrapped in BACON
Reeses Peanut Butter Cups or Peices
REAL NY Pizza ordered and eaten in NYC

Prosceuito and Melon
Salmon (prepared in any way)
Spinach & Artichoke dip (Fresh & Easy makes an awesome one)
Bagels and Lox, with capers and cucumbers on it (hold the onions)
IN & OUT Burger (double double protein burger hold the onions

Anything that is made with Artichoke 

Kale with garlic (that's a new one to the list)

STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE!!! (how could I forget that one)
Mama Leona's Empanada's located in Sunnyside Queens (I'll take and have probably tried almost any and every kind on that vast menu)
Thai Tea 

A Buffalo Chicken Sandwich with fresh Roman lettuce and blue cheese crumbs (Smash Burger makes a pretty decent one, well they used too until they took the fried version off the menu)
FRESH French Fries from McDonald's (key is to order them without salt, this way you get made on the spot good ones,.... then when you go to pay for them, ask for packets of salt. You may have to mix it up with which Mickey D's you go to. You are sure to be frowned upon for repeating this offensive way of ordering if you try that one too many times in the same place)
Bone in Rib Eye Steak medium rare (more rare than medium)
Red Beans and Rice from Popeye's Chicken
Creme Brulee (delish!!! {she sings} .... LOVE the crunchy top)
Vanilla Wafers (could kill a whole box on a good day)
Frosted Mini Wheats (the strawberry kind)
Peach Ring gummy candies (these sugary treasures are commonly found at 7 Elevens, almost any brand will due)
Sticky Rice 

Lobster Mac n Cheese from the Four Seasons (fancy I know)
A good Chicken Parmigiana (the one thing I know how to make really well)
Marie Calenders Mac n Cheese w/ Bacon (bits are prob fake but I don't care)
Banana flavored anything, (most days I prefer the banana taste over eating a real banana)
Salmon Eggs Benedict from The Four Seasons (again, I know fancy)

Most of my fav's look like they would belong on "Doug's (from The King of Queens) list I know. LOL!

Those things are more or less what makes the cut on my "List of Foods I Absolutely LOVE". I am surely forgetting about one or two other unhealthy items but seriously I'm really just thinking about all the stuff that I am not allowing myself to have any time soon because like I said before (for reasons that I can't even explain) I don't feel so worthy or very much like letting my taste buds celebrate or indulge in anything off "The List".

Right now I wish for a reason to let any part of me celebrate ANYTHING!
Dear LIFE ..... can you bring out the buffet already! Please and Thank YOU!

Monday, July 9, 2012

Mixed Greens

Good day fellow humans and do gooders. As I write these words I am on my way back to LA. Over the last few days I've been up to a bunch of stuff. I left LA on Friday to make it to Jersey for a class on Saturday for my stewardess job ......... after that class I flew down to ATL on Saturday night and hung out like a washed up rock star until Sunday. I then got back to working my stewardess gig on Sunday eve up until where I am right now. My head is NOT spinning from the physical stress in regards to all of that, its spinning because of the self imposed mental stress. Just when I starting writing about how I was gonna stop complaining about stuff, well I am doing just that ...... even though I know that what I am going thru is between me, myself, and I; I still know that I am being all disgruntle on the inside, ........and that I am still not exactly laughing out loud on the outside these days. I swear I suck sometimes!

So in between showing up airline hostess ready for my days scenarios I find myself fielding so many questions from so many different people in regards to "The TMO Viewing Event and Fund Raiser" that I got coming up. A lot of the girls want to help promote it and I don't have many answers for any one because all I know is what is printed out on the invitation. I also am trying to correspond with my peeps about the upcoming ESPY award show happening this week. A thing that I TOTALLY forgot about! My flying schedule isn't exactly freed up as of yet even though I accepted the invite that my manager was able to muster up for me. I really need to figure how to make being there happen already. This is a ceremony that I don't want to miss out on because its a night of paying tributes to athletes who do amazing things, reach impossible goals and (from what I have seen when I watched the show on tv) know how to pay homage to one another all while having a great time. Not too mention I freakin love most sports. I have never been to this particular show and can imagine the attendees, athletes and folk in the sports world being so much different than the movers, shakers and the usual suspects lurking around in Hollywood. I don't want to have to back out of my commitment to go. Ughhh!! In my experience when you live at the level where I live ya only get so many favors in Hollywood and I don't want to use any more up or flake out on my hook ups. I have one full day to work out these minor/major details!

Ha!! I forgot to mention that a few days ago my twitter account was hacked into and some jack ass sent all of my followers a fake message from me saying that "someone was starting bad rumors about them, etc etc". I only mention this incident because when I first received the message myself I didn't realize how common fake messages on twitter are and I started racking my brain about skeletons in my closet and what type of dirt any one in the world could have on me. I seriously was imagining up all kinds of scenarios knowing my ass is far from squeaky clean. Then I started thinking all politician like and coming up with defensive answers in my head to any random accusations .............. and then I had to have a hearty laugh on the inside about how stupid I even sounded to myself!! Lol! I keep saying, why would any one care about any of the stuff that I do, or have done in my past; why would anything that goes on with me matter to ANYONE! I tell ya, ........... a few stints on television and my head just keeps getting bigger and bigger, lol. The nerve of me! I suppose that I let my imagination just run away from me, ..... but as of late my mind's been full on sprinting out of control all by itself!! Its been a few days now since "twitter-gate" and I am still writing apologies to folks that are following me. Before alerting some of these people about the hacker situation many did respond to the fake e mail "supposively' sent from me on the defensive side themselves, ........ this makes me laugh, just knowing that I ain't the only "more than slightly" paranoid/insecure person running around on the world wide web is oddly enough a comforting feeling.

I think I could start a cult, get me some "followers" for real!


Sunday, July 8, 2012

Can't Seem to keep a good meal down PART 2

So this is my "to be continued' part of Sundays blog;

Some how time got away from me and I had to run to catch my flight. I am tripping with all of the back and forth going on with the show and the emotional roller coaster that I have been on is enough to make anybody crazy! So like I was saying it looks like 'fans' have managed to save the show from obscurity and episode 6 will air this week on Thurs with me still on it. My manager is happy while I am still dealing with all of my mixed emotions. My girl is operating at full throttle and has almost single handedly put together a viewing party, (slash) fundraiser (slash), meet her client "Suki Avery" along with other members from the FOX series "TMO" event at a Beverly Hills location two Thursdays from now all without missing a step. I don't know how she does what she does but she took what was just a few days ago a 'buzz kill" scenario for me and just like that created a "one last hoorah" for me and all of the other girls on the show. She basically put out an ALL POINTS BULLETIN insisting that the world come out and support a worthy cause all while celebrating the people who are part of the "Take Me Out" experience. She probably won't stop until she can get George Lopez himself to show up at this thing.

So just like that; ......... just when I thought that I was falling back out of the game........ I get sucked right back in!!! Settling back into some familiar ways too I might add! I'm worried about stuff now!

QUESTION! How am I gonna work out my schedule?

QUESTION! What to wear to this event?

QUESTION! Who is really coming out to watch the show that may or may not feature anything that I have to say?

QUESTION! What media is accepting this invitation?

QUESTION! Are any of the other show members in support of this last ditch effort? QUESTION! Will FOX even take notice and commend us for our promotional efforts? QUESTION! Will FOX even take notice and respond negatively towards us for our promotional efforts?

QUESTION! Will all the buzz measure up to all the hype? ..........

QUESTION! Will I ever stop worrying myself sick, ......AND more importantly than any of that stuff ........

QUESTION! HOW am I gonna make myself Hollywood skinny in just 10 days ????!!!

ANSWER: I need a drink!!!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Can't seem to keep this meal down!

For real y'all! I think that I am on a show called "FAKE Me OUT!" instead of "Take Me OUT!". Word on the street now is that FOX has decided to let us get to second base. The Saturday move is canceled and TMO gets to live again on Thursday night! Jeeze Louise already! I am trying not too get too excited about this news even though I am looking forward to seeing myself in a pretty dope white dress that I know I will be wearing next THURSDAY, (I know that none of that is either here or there) right now, I just know that episode six is coming and I can't not promote it no matter what the final edit looks like. I guess the show got the increase in viewership and even though I know that I had very little to do with that, ....... what are ya gonna do?

to be cont..... gotta get to the places that I am supposed to be, will finish these thoughts for this entry shortly .... please standby

So this is my "to be continued' part of Sundays blog;

Some how time got away from me and I had to run to catch my flight. I am tripping with all of the back and forth going on with the show and the emotional roller coaster that I have been on is enough to make anybody crazy! So like I was saying it looks like 'fans' have managed to save the show from obscurity and episode 6 will air this week on Thurs with me still on it. My manager is happy while I am still dealing with all of my mixed emotions. My girl is operating at full throttle and has almost single handedly put together a viewing party, (slash) fundraiser (slash), meet her client "Suki Avery" along with other members from the FOX series "TMO" event at a Beverly Hills location two Thursdays from now all without missing a step. I don't know how she does what she does but she took what was just a few days ago a 'buzz kill" scenario for me and just like that created a "one last hoorah" for me and all of the other girls on the show. She basically put out an ALL POINTS BULLETIN insisting that the world come out and support a worthy cause all while celebrating the people who are part of the "Take Me Out" experience. She probably won't stop until she can get George Lopez himself to show up at this thing.

So just like that; ......... just when I thought that I was falling back out of the game........ I get sucked right back in!!! Settling back into some familiar ways too I might add! I'm worried about stuff now!

QUESTION! How am I gonna work out my schedule?

QUESTION! What to wear to this event?

QUESTION! Who is really coming out to watch the show that may or may not feature anything that I have to say?

QUESTION! What media is accepting this invitation?

QUESTION! Are any of the other show members in support of this last ditch effort? QUESTION! Will FOX even take notice and commend us for our promotional efforts? QUESTION! Will FOX even take notice and respond negatively towards us for our promotional efforts?

QUESTION! Will all the buzz measure up to all the hype? ..........

QUESTION! Will I ever stop worrying myself sick, ......AND more importantly than any of that stuff ........

QUESTION! HOW am I gonna make myself Hollywood skinny in just 10 days ????!!!

ANSWER: I need a drink!!!

Friday, July 6, 2012

No more WINE Please & Thank YOU

Ok friends and other fellow humans! Its time for Suki to get her groove back already. I don't necessarily feel like writing about getting out of my funk, I really just want to be DOING what I have to do to get out of my funk. For starters I am traveling east today and look forward to seeing some people and greeting some people. I am working and playing at the same time over the next few days and should just be feeling good about that.

Its like a 100 sticky degrees in the Northeast and I suspect that it will be even hotter in ATL. Its all good though; ..... I need a different set of sights to see and because I got the free flight benefits to do so that is exactly what will be going down. I am hoping that this adjustment in my life will be the thing that I need to let LOVE in too! That's right you heard me, ....... I used the freakin "L" word! I am not saying that "love" is not all around me, (I am actually pretty lucky in that respect). I am saying that having it around you and letting it inside you is 2 completely different things. I appreciate the love that is put out there to me from family, friends and even some strangers, but I do think that it is about time that I work on giving some of it back to the universe already. I do more complaining about stuff than I need to be doing and I am vowing to try harder to quit it already! I got my health, my survival job AND all the other perks that go along with getting to be ME.

Enough said FRED! Don't ask who Fred is, there is no Fred.
Happy Friday!!!!!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Time to make the Donuts!

Hello and good day! Today was a day of reflection for my ass,...... I spent the better part of my day trying to plot and plan the next few days of my life. I have to clean up around this joint and for some reason my laundry won't just do itself!

Tonight I spent watching Take Me Out on FOX. Its the show where they don't really SHOW me saying much of anything even though I had plenty of stuff to be opinionated about during the taping. Its almost 10 pm right now and I am tweeting with folks that are confused about why I am shamelessly plugging away about myself to watch "SUKI" on the show and the fact of the matter is that tonight's episode had a whole lot of content that had no ME in it. I should be more prepared for this to happen every week but it's still a let down knowing that all of my comments ended up on the cutting room floor.

I still feel obligated to answer back on Twitter to the group of girls having viewing parties and excited to be talking to me while the show is on and other Internet friends who have been writing to me for weeks on end. I am ready to put an end to this madness, its getting to be so embarrassing "all of this getting NO air time"

I gotta move on .................... with that being said I am on a plane tomorrow. Gonna go east again! I am taking another class on Saturday morning for my airline job and then I hope to make it to Atlanta to see my old school friend "UM" and maybe even see fiance # 5! If I have it my way I will be able to get away for a few days and then work a flight back so that I can put some coins in my piggy bank already. I am fortunate enough to have a really flexible schedule over at my airline and I work when I need to or really when I want too. I should be working all the time instead of attempting to "work it" here in Hollywood. I need to leave all of that stuff to my manager and just show up when its time to "roll tape". There is really no way out of all the preliminary stuff. I am lucky that I DO have a way out of town whenever I want.

So tomorrow I am off to see the wizard!! Nite y'all!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Star Spangeled Cookies!!

So its been a Happy Fourth of July for me. I hung out with my brother from another mother and one of my girlfriends today. I suppose as of late I've been all "Hollywood like" and saw no reason to not still be in that mode today. I started out the day with my peeps where we met up with my lawyer at The Beverly Hills hotel and my girlfriend and I tried to pretend that we needed our starlet stunner shades on but we didn't .... it was over cast today for the most part.

I suppose I am climbing back down my petal stool right now because even though I had a grand time of hotel hopping and cocktail sipping followed by a rooftop view of fireworks today; I didn't get the call that I had hoped to get from my manager about my moments on camera yesterday with TMZ. I am not saying that I know for sure that a segment of me won't eventually surface on the show but I am guessing that there's a pretty good chance that it won't because TV Guide posted an article saying that "FOX has fallen out of love with Take Me Out". The last 3 episodes will been shown on Saturday night instead of Thursday night and if you know what I know about production and networks you know that such news is not a good thing. The article claims that low viewership is the cause for the move to an even less popular time slot. Some of the "contestants" from the show didn't really seem to feel the way that I do about how the series has unfolded for us all. Right at the time before the first episode aired some one created a "secret TMO page" for the Flirty 30 and others tied to the show to read. Some of the posts that were written for our eyes only last night were from a few girls who expressed sadness and even anger but I think that's because some of the folks thought that we were supposed to be treated the way a show would treat its actors or cast member's in regards to promotion and how the show was edited. I think that the news of the move doesn't necessarily sting so much for me because it was clear from when the first episode aired that I was a part of a game show; operative words being "GAME" and "SHOW". I know I looked great on the thing and had fun playing myself even if I did have to put up with being called a "cougar" on national television AND deal with being known as the one who's been "engaged 5 times" . Man, I don't know why any of it really matters to any one. Like I said a few days ago to a TMO girl; I went to an award show and while I was on the red carpet I was lucky enough to meet some pretty well known actors who I had to educate about what "TMO" even was. I don't think that doing the show was a career killer but it certainly doesn't feel like it was a career helper or even made much of a difference in any regards. LOL!

In other news I look forward to the days of my life ahead. I am hopeful that some of the seeds that I have planted are starting to grow. In the meantime I gotta get back on my survival job by Saturday or Sunday and for the first time I am looking at that with arms wide open. I got a forced break from this biz of show coming up and I think that for me its so needed. Tell ya what else is so needed more than anything is a "someone" who loves me to massage my neck right now, Jeeves!! Where are you?!

PS another Suki Shameless Plug Alert ; Please watch the last Thursday of Take Me Out on FOX tomorrow 8pm est 7pm cent Thanks!

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Most Zesty (TMZ)!

So I am scrabbling to make this entry because I am as usual late to meet with my agent at a show case that she invited me too. I am gonna give you the short version of how the events in my life have played out this far today. I went to meet my manager this afternoon at her office in Beverly Hills and while we were out in her neck of the woods strolling the sidewalks and getting me my caffeine fix .................

I got stopped by the gossip news camera guy for "TMZ". I am still hysterically laughing my ass off about it because I know that when they stop "unknowns" like myself for an on camera interview it is usually all about making fun of that person etc. Well no one is better at making fun of themselves than me and I hate to say it but its true. I welcomed the chance to yell at my manager while answering a silly question that they threw at me on camera. Naturally my answer to their question was all about me ................ and if I can get my hands on a link to the segment I will surely post it some where.

I cannot wait to go back to being "Suki" aspiring actress, writer, producer, model, and sometime "sexy stewardess" soon. This whole TMO run has been a hell of an experience for me and in this town you gotta take what you can get but I think I am ready to move on and figure out something else for myself.

Damn ................ where does the time go!!!

Til tomorrow lovers and friends, friends and lovers!! Lol! 

Monday, July 2, 2012

Strawberry Smoothie

So today was a day of recovery for me. I had been doing the glam fab Hollywood thing since noon yesterday until midnight last night. This sista was tired but not too tired to roll out of bed to meet up with this sista

I came out of my cocoon still wearing last nights lashes long enough to have a Starbucks smoothie with my step (get it cause we walk down the stairs on TMO together) sister from the show. I owed her this "sit down and catch up" for like forever! I canceled meeting with her several times in this past month and I did want to see how things were going for her. She seemed happy with the days of her life and I was happy to spend a couple of hours with her. We chatted, gossiped and promised to meet up again soon. Knowing me that means after two more future cancellations down the road we will see each other again.

I mentioned yesterday how I attended The BET Awards and did the red carpet yesterday and what an exciting moment in my life that doing that was. Well my manager who accompanied me on my outing was not permitted to use her own camera and take any kind of pic of me getting my "Paris Hilton" on which was a bit of a disappointment. Even more disappointing than that is that I have been waiting all day for a photo of me on that red carpet to surface somewhere! So far no sign of any kind! I did get pics later in the day at one of the after parties (THANK GOD)!

If my girl didn't think fast for me I would have missed out on seeing myself in a pic of a dress that I will never put on again! To get into this unforgiving number I had to starve myself for the day AND it took two people to get me into this diddy.

Anywho's I am sitting pretty right now because the one thing that I had to do today was "chillax" and that outside of my meet up with TMO29 is exactly how I spent the rest of this day.

I don't expect that too much of anything fantastic will be happening to me this week because its Fourth of July week and this town is pretty much on hiatus. I may get out of town at the end of the week ......... yet too be decided, but for now I am feeling pretty cool, sweet and smoooooooooth!

Happy Monday night!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Fish Tacos! Too salty?

So whats up y'all. I am not gonna say that I ain't a little tipsy while making this entry but I have had a really long day of being fabulous while engaging in several cocktails. Thanks to my manager and other members of the "PLL crew" I got to go to The BET awards and even took pics on the red carpet and hang out after rubbing elbows with some ABC and D list celebs. It was fun. I myself seem to still be on the "Z" list but I think my stock is gaining after today. I did do a bit of explaining to some folks about the show that I am currently on. I guess industry peeps in this town don't really pay attention to stuff thats not "Greys Anatomy" or "Jersery Shorish". I ain't mad, I actually even bragged a bit today. At the award show I was kind of rushed down the red carpet and my manager did get to say my name to the pr folks working there and I posed for about 8 different photogs. It was fun. I was fortunate enough to be seated pretty much front and center of the action. I was within arms reach of Kim & Kanye, Jay & Bee, Cissy Houston and even the president of the freakin' network! The show was amazing and included a tribute to Donna Summer, Frankie Beverly and Whitney Houston. I was also mesmerized at the size of Nikki Manaj's ass! Her performance was crazy and to see her upclose was too. The day certainly made up for how I felt about how things went down the night before.

Now that I am feeling a little bit happier about myself before I turn in I want to revisit a subject that I spoke on a few days ago in regards to folks posting stuff on Facebook etc about how great their lives are.......... Well tonight I stopped off at an after party for the award show that was promoted as the "official" BET after party and had a well known celeb name attached to it. I also felt inclined to go because my pushy little manager said that I needed to try to redeem myself from last night and that my hottness was not going to really be seen if I just went home after the show AND this party was stupid close to my house. None the less I do have a point here, ....... I ran into several girls that were on my show at this "after thing" and we did the small talk but I could barely hear myself speak because this place was JAMMED pack full of pretentious wanna b's and "officially" no one that I saw that was at the award show was at this place. It was uncomfortable and seemed to be nothing but a lot of unorganized chaos going on, ...... which was the very reason why I bounced after spending a few moments there. Well before I could get the key into my front door I got a twitter alert from one of the chics at TMO about how she was "at The BET after party!!" I could be mistaken about what this chica was implicating in her post but if I were not at this thing myself I would be guessing that this girl wanted everyone out in the world wide web to believe that she was raising the roof at a party that was the "jump off". I hope I am reading her wrong because that sentiment is laughable and I hate to know that she is a person that is guilty of false advertising, (a point that I so often point out about persons). Well, from now on I will never read her posts and take them seriously. I may even have to delete her ass, just because ........Something smells a little fishy to me with this one! I guess to each is his/her own.

Welp, you can always count on me keeping it really real with ya ............ hoping someone can appreciate that.

Good night Irene! This Cinderalla happily has to turn back into a pumkin!